If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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