So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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