this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
