An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
