Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
