The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I believe in your delicious
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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