Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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