need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
