epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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