i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
