I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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