I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
