Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
