Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize