How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
