I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
