With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
