I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
