i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
