Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
