also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we're making bets on your personal life
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
