The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
