Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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