I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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