i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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