woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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