we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
