walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
