I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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