There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
