I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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