ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
