Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
