Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
