Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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