Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
