you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My breasts were aching with rage.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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