what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
