and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
