I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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