I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
