You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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