I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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