I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
