I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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