I'm really into asian looking animals
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
