I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sex in a hospital.. check
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
