So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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