We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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