alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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