dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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