i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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