Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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