Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
where are my eyebrows?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
