Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
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Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
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I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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