How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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