I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the knife in your bed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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