Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
