she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
