We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
