Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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