mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
