He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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