The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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